Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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