We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize