please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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