note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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