He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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