I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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