U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
