why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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