I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
