its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize