I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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