just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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