we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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