hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
