I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
