I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
birth control should be required to get into college
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
