I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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