Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I fill condoms, not promises.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
