i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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