Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
