my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
