Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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