i'm signing you up for texting rehab
wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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