Apparently you make a good broom.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
