two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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