i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
