dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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