she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Damn victory sex feels great
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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