Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We named our party play list daddy issues
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
