Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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