He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
