Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize