There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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