Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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