I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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