forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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