We're facebook friends in real life
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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