she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize