He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
