I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
