I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
