that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
that's an acceptable place to lick
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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