look no pants
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
