God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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