i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
