In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
