things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
