nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
