I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
