I murdered the dance floor call the cops
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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