i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Come see our sink grown plant.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
