is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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