I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
