my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's shark week go big or go home
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
