Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
