Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
