i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
