we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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