The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
