I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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