i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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